Well now onto the harder part- getting and staying fit.
I will seperate this section into four parts: Exercise, diet, rest/relaxation and attitude: being an active healthy person.
This first part exercise will be split into three parts: warm up and stretching, cardio and muscular.
The first thing to palate is that you must commit yourself to performing an exercise session three times a week. Let's say sunday, tuesday and thursday. You need at least a day's rest in between.
You must start each session with a three minute brisk walk (easy!) to warm up and end each session with a 5-10 min stretching routine to minimise odds of injury and to slow down the loss of mobility that comes with ageing. You may also do one of these static stretches in between weight sets- focussing on the muscle group you are exercising or about to exercise.
All stretches to be done two - three times, moving slowly and holding for 10-20 seconds. Don't bounce or jerk and breath deeply.
1. Lie flat on back, knees bent, feet flat. Bring left knee to chest guiding with hand and towards right, hold. Repeat for right knee.
2. Repeat above but this time don't bend other leg: keep it flat on floor.
3. With same pose, this time bring straight leg up as high as possible. Don't lift hips, don't push off foot.
4. In position 1, hold arms out to side palm up. Let knees drop to one side, head to other. Roll knees back up to centre and to other side, hold. Repeat with other side.
5. In position 1, bring left ankle to rest on right knee. Bring right knee forward, gripping thigh beneath knee, lifitng foot off floor. Hold, repeat with other side.
6. Roll onto front. Head down arms stretched in front. Bring right arm back and grasp right ankle. Hold. Repeat with other side.
7. Stand up, place hands shoulder height against wall arms straight. Slide the left foot back approximately 18 inches, keeping the knee straight and both heels flat on the floor. Bend your right knee and slowly move your pelvis forward until you feel a stretch in the calf and Achilles of the left leg. Hold for 15 seconds and repeat with the other leg.
8. Position 1 again. Hands up in air palms facing knees. Bring hands down to above head, press back of hands on floor. Hold
9. On all fours, eyes to ground, back and neck straight, bring bum to heels, hold, palms on ground.
10. Sit on the floor with one leg straight in front of you and the other leg bent (with the sole of the foot touching the inside thigh of the outstretched leg). Keep your back straight and lean forward from the hips. Slide your arms forward toward your outstretched foot. Stop when you feel a pull in the hamstring. Hold and repeat with the other leg extended. Do the same with both legs stretched out. Bring hands up as far as poss. Hold.
11. Sit upright, bring arms forwardgrasp one hand with the other stetch out, then bring arms up, stretch and hold. arms behind back, grasp same way bring arms back and up.
Well that's stretching done, next time will be cardio.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Sunday, 3 May 2009
1A3 Staying Healthy
Hey hey hey!
Well i'm back again for my fourth blog- still don't think i have a reader but what the hell i will press on.
This blog is entitled staying healthy. I define healthy as being free from disease. Fitness, or well-being, will be addressed in the next blog. Again we will presume that our subject is going to live for 100 years. So the object of the blog is to prescribe a lifestyle which will prevent those diseases which most frequently finish off human life.
So what are the biggest killers in the western world?
1. Coronary Heart Disease (17% of all people in the western world die from this) -
Caused by smoking, stress, high blood pressure, excessive drinking, sedentary lifestyle and a poor red-meat rich, transfat rich, cholesterol rich, high salt diet (often leading to obesity)
2. Stroke (10%) -
All the same causes as heart disease (smoking, diet, obesity, lack of physical activity and alcohol abuse) plus subtance abuse (such as ice or meth). So say not to drugs (well to be more precise drug dealers - the drugs won't understand what you're saying).
3. Lung cancer (6%) -
90% of lung cancer is caused by smoking. The likelihood of developing most cancers can be reduced by cutting out smoking (again) eating a good diet (cut out red meat and animal fats) minimising alcohol intake, exercising and regular screening (especially if you have a family history).
4. Lower respiratory infections (5%) -
Lots of types and causes, but big picture: don't smoke
5. Obstructive pulmonary disease (4%) -
I.e chronic bronchitis and emphysimia- caused by smoking (but people who live in cities with bad air pollution may be affected with this. Again choose a good place to live.)
6. Colon cancer (3%)
All the usual stuff plus eat a high-fiber diet. (All bran)
7. Accidents (4%)
Not a disease but be careful don't take stupid risks.
8. Dementias (3%)
Major causes are smoking, stress, obesity, poor quality sleep and lack of mental stimulation.
Weight training combined with aerobic training seems to help.
A mediterranean diet helps (think fish). Eat small meals throughout the day to keep insulin level consistent. Avoid refined sugar and white flour products which spike insulin levels leading to brain inflammation. Drink tea (esp green) very often and coffee occasionally.
Learning keeps your brain active- always be reading a book, studying something, finding something new- do crosswords and sudokus. Practise memorizing. Do things differently to avoid brain-rotting routine.
Create a sleep routine though- go to bed and get up at the same time everyday if possible- aim for 8 hours in bed.
Control stress by giving up stressful jobs, leaving stressful relationships. Do daily relaxation activities (yoga, walking in nature, petting animals, tai chi). Take time to know thyself and think about your life, write it down like I am doing now.
Again smoking and heavy drinking (the two arch enemies of human health) will shit up your brain. But head trauma will too (so wear a helmet if you're going to do something where your head might get hit). The juries still out on mobile phones.... they could be the 21st century's answer to smoking....
9. Diabetes (3%) Can lead to Alzheimers. Type 1 (10% of cases) is non preventable but type 2 is.
Big contributors are lack of exercise and obesity. Follow all the above tips. (Think diet - esp cut out those simple sugars and cut down on white carbs- and exercise, there is a trend developing). 30 mins a day.
10. Breast Cancer (3%) See general advice on preventing cancer.
11. Stomach Cancer (2%) A tricky one - the causes are not clear but the general advice holds. Green tea seems to be good and aspirin too.
other leading causes of death-
Septicemia - Appropriate treatment of localized infections can prevent septicemia.
Medical errors - well if you follow my advice you shouldn't be needing to go into hospital too much.
Flu/Pneumonia - Booster the immune system with vit c and a good diet. good sleep and low stress can help prevent this. And practise good hygiene. Plus all the usual stuff about smoking, exercise, diet. Get immunized against flu if you want. (esp if you are old).
Liver Disease - Get vaccinated for Hep A and B. Cut down on Alcohol. Practise good hygiene, don't drink tap-water in dodgy coutnries.
HIV/Aids - very simply, rubber up. Always.
Road Traffic Accidents - see my last blog.
Childbirth - Go with a doctor you trust.
Hypertensive heart disease - ie from high blood pressure. Again no smoking, cut down on drinking, chill out (don't stress), watch your diet (esp high salt, high fat) and exercise. Cut down on cholesterol.
Skin cancer - Use sun block, hats and cover up. Don't be fooled by the media- a suntan does look sexy yes but you will look a crocodile skin handbag by the time you are forty.
So the good news is most of these diseases have similar causes and can be avoided by a healthy lifestyle: eating a healthy diet (based on fruit, wholewheat bread and pasta, brown rice, grains, low fat dairy, poultry and fish -rather than red meats- and vegetables), drinking lots of water, not smoking, reducing the intake of trans fats, simple sugars, refined foods and salt and drinking alcohol in moderation. Regular exercise lowers the risk of being a statistic as do the careful usage of nutritional supplements. A positive outlook and attitude also seems to improve health ( for reasons as yet unclear).
GOAL 1A3: I am committed to eat well, exercise regularly, not smoke, drink moderately, sleep well, learn, do new things and maintain a positive outlook to remain healthy for the duration of my 100 years.
So is it possible to die of old age or naturally? The answer is no- injury or disease: one of these bastards is going to take us at some stage- but this commtiment (goal 1A3) will prevent it for as long as possible and let us enjoy the life that comes between the birthing and the dieing.
Join me for the next blog- which will be on the subject of Getting and Staying Fit.
Well thats all for me, best of luck with your driving test,
Huffbert x x x
Well i'm back again for my fourth blog- still don't think i have a reader but what the hell i will press on.
This blog is entitled staying healthy. I define healthy as being free from disease. Fitness, or well-being, will be addressed in the next blog. Again we will presume that our subject is going to live for 100 years. So the object of the blog is to prescribe a lifestyle which will prevent those diseases which most frequently finish off human life.
So what are the biggest killers in the western world?
1. Coronary Heart Disease (17% of all people in the western world die from this) -
Caused by smoking, stress, high blood pressure, excessive drinking, sedentary lifestyle and a poor red-meat rich, transfat rich, cholesterol rich, high salt diet (often leading to obesity)
2. Stroke (10%) -
All the same causes as heart disease (smoking, diet, obesity, lack of physical activity and alcohol abuse) plus subtance abuse (such as ice or meth). So say not to drugs (well to be more precise drug dealers - the drugs won't understand what you're saying).
3. Lung cancer (6%) -
90% of lung cancer is caused by smoking. The likelihood of developing most cancers can be reduced by cutting out smoking (again) eating a good diet (cut out red meat and animal fats) minimising alcohol intake, exercising and regular screening (especially if you have a family history).
4. Lower respiratory infections (5%) -
Lots of types and causes, but big picture: don't smoke
5. Obstructive pulmonary disease (4%) -
I.e chronic bronchitis and emphysimia- caused by smoking (but people who live in cities with bad air pollution may be affected with this. Again choose a good place to live.)
6. Colon cancer (3%)
All the usual stuff plus eat a high-fiber diet. (All bran)
7. Accidents (4%)
Not a disease but be careful don't take stupid risks.
8. Dementias (3%)
Major causes are smoking, stress, obesity, poor quality sleep and lack of mental stimulation.
Weight training combined with aerobic training seems to help.
A mediterranean diet helps (think fish). Eat small meals throughout the day to keep insulin level consistent. Avoid refined sugar and white flour products which spike insulin levels leading to brain inflammation. Drink tea (esp green) very often and coffee occasionally.
Learning keeps your brain active- always be reading a book, studying something, finding something new- do crosswords and sudokus. Practise memorizing. Do things differently to avoid brain-rotting routine.
Create a sleep routine though- go to bed and get up at the same time everyday if possible- aim for 8 hours in bed.
Control stress by giving up stressful jobs, leaving stressful relationships. Do daily relaxation activities (yoga, walking in nature, petting animals, tai chi). Take time to know thyself and think about your life, write it down like I am doing now.
Again smoking and heavy drinking (the two arch enemies of human health) will shit up your brain. But head trauma will too (so wear a helmet if you're going to do something where your head might get hit). The juries still out on mobile phones.... they could be the 21st century's answer to smoking....
9. Diabetes (3%) Can lead to Alzheimers. Type 1 (10% of cases) is non preventable but type 2 is.
Big contributors are lack of exercise and obesity. Follow all the above tips. (Think diet - esp cut out those simple sugars and cut down on white carbs- and exercise, there is a trend developing). 30 mins a day.
10. Breast Cancer (3%) See general advice on preventing cancer.
11. Stomach Cancer (2%) A tricky one - the causes are not clear but the general advice holds. Green tea seems to be good and aspirin too.
other leading causes of death-
Septicemia - Appropriate treatment of localized infections can prevent septicemia.
Medical errors - well if you follow my advice you shouldn't be needing to go into hospital too much.
Flu/Pneumonia - Booster the immune system with vit c and a good diet. good sleep and low stress can help prevent this. And practise good hygiene. Plus all the usual stuff about smoking, exercise, diet. Get immunized against flu if you want. (esp if you are old).
Liver Disease - Get vaccinated for Hep A and B. Cut down on Alcohol. Practise good hygiene, don't drink tap-water in dodgy coutnries.
HIV/Aids - very simply, rubber up. Always.
Road Traffic Accidents - see my last blog.
Childbirth - Go with a doctor you trust.
Hypertensive heart disease - ie from high blood pressure. Again no smoking, cut down on drinking, chill out (don't stress), watch your diet (esp high salt, high fat) and exercise. Cut down on cholesterol.
Skin cancer - Use sun block, hats and cover up. Don't be fooled by the media- a suntan does look sexy yes but you will look a crocodile skin handbag by the time you are forty.
So the good news is most of these diseases have similar causes and can be avoided by a healthy lifestyle: eating a healthy diet (based on fruit, wholewheat bread and pasta, brown rice, grains, low fat dairy, poultry and fish -rather than red meats- and vegetables), drinking lots of water, not smoking, reducing the intake of trans fats, simple sugars, refined foods and salt and drinking alcohol in moderation. Regular exercise lowers the risk of being a statistic as do the careful usage of nutritional supplements. A positive outlook and attitude also seems to improve health ( for reasons as yet unclear).
GOAL 1A3: I am committed to eat well, exercise regularly, not smoke, drink moderately, sleep well, learn, do new things and maintain a positive outlook to remain healthy for the duration of my 100 years.
So is it possible to die of old age or naturally? The answer is no- injury or disease: one of these bastards is going to take us at some stage- but this commtiment (goal 1A3) will prevent it for as long as possible and let us enjoy the life that comes between the birthing and the dieing.
Join me for the next blog- which will be on the subject of Getting and Staying Fit.
Well thats all for me, best of luck with your driving test,
Huffbert x x x
Friday, 1 May 2009
1A(2) How to stay free
Hello everyone and welcome to my third installment of my design for life blog. I wonder if anyone (other than me) has read it yet.. or ever will...
I'm not feeling great today- yesterday i went out on the lash and my head feels rather woollen today, ugh. Guinness and Heineken. I hate alcohol (hindsightedly).
On with the blog, today's topic is How to Stay Free. If you'd followed yesterday's blog then by now you are well on your way to living out your 100 years life lease with all your faculties intact. Today, if you follow my advice, you will live out that lease with all your essential human freedoms intact.
The first thing you need to do is to decide where you would like to live out your life. Most presume they have to live their life wherever they happen to have been born, anchored by family, career and mortgage. This is the first preconception to shake off. We have a staggering amount of freedom to choose exactly where we want to live. Quit you job, bring your friends and family with you and rent out your house. It is very important to choose a country which guarantees your fundamental freedoms. Most countries in the West, for all their faults, do just that (which is why I love the West).
So what are those freedoms? Well there are 13 :
THE 13 FUNDAMENTAL FREEDOMS
1. The freedom of life. No-one has the right to take any other human life. So to ensure that this freedom stays intact try to live in a country which does not practise the death penalty.
2. The freedom to own property. This is part 4 in Huffbert's Design for Life so live in a nation where you can, if you wish, buy land.
3. The freedom to procreate with whoever you choose. Part 2 in my design for life. Don't live anywhere where someone is telling you that you can't do sex dances with any particular race etc... because your soulmate may come in any shape and you got to maximise your chances of capturing that elusive winged deity we call love.
4. The freedom of association (probably won't need this one)
5. The freedom of speech. In practise this is pretty hard to guarantee, we don't want the freedom to hate, but as long as you can safely criticise authority then "thumbs up".
6. Freedom of thought and religion. Live somewhere where you can practise any religion you choose (but as long as its a place where religion is kept the "hell out of" politics and education).
7. You should have the vote.
8. A free market. In case you want to start a business at some point.
9. Freedom of work. You choose the job, don't let it choose you.
10. Freedom of rest and leisure. When you want it.
11. Equal access. To education and jobs and opportunity. Very important. This is the main way that you are going to better your position in life. Don't live in country which keeps all the good stuff for the local elite.
In sum, you want to live in a meritocratic liberal democracy.
This report is a pretty good indicator:
http://www.freedomhouse.org/template.cfm?page=15&year=2006
"Woah! But hey Huffbert you said there were 13 freedoms- that's only 11!"
Yes i know i've left the most important 2 until last:
12. Equality before the law. It is so important that you live somewhere where if you do get into shit you are guaranteed a fair trial (not one based on your bank balance, connections or nationality.) I have lived in three countries in my life- and one of those had no equality before the law. If you were a foreigner in court forget it- you're going down. if you were a foreigner and up against a local - forget it but more so. If you were a foreigner and up a against a rich, connected local then oh mein shitting gott! Forget it. Yes justice is an important consideration when selecting where to live your life.
13. Freedom of movement. This is the freedom you are most likely to lose during your life. In most coutnries if you break the law you stand to lose your freedom of movement- we call them prisons.
Very simply, don't break the law.
If you have a selected a country to live in which has a reasonable set of laws then you shouldn't want to break the law anyway. If you don't break the law you won't lose this important freedom.
If you are stuck in a country with unjust laws, then for the time being it is better to be free and not true to your ethics, than right and in prison. Bite your tongue until you get to an enlightened country then you can join Amnesty International or something and make a difference. There's no room for martyrs in Huffbert's Design.
As a working person we don't really have the freedom of movement anyway. If you are compelled to be in a office 9 hours a day 5 days a week then no, you don't have freedom of movement. That will be solved in part 4 Becoming financially independent. You may still want to work, but you won't need to.
Ok well that's it for now. As always lets compress and distill this content into a homeopathic self-help essence drop goal:
GOAL 1A2 Live your life in a land where your basic freedoms are guaranteed. Don't break the law. Thus you will stay free for your 100 lease of life.
Well that's all folks, join me again next time when the topic will be Staying Healthy.. ooh my hangover seems to have dispersed!
tata
Huffbert xxx
ps As always I'm sorry if I have offended anybody. And also sorry if I have made any mistakes in grammar or spelling. As mentioned this blog is open to everybody (all ages and sexual persuasions, both sexes and all three races, all members of the 192 UN nations, all members of the 205 FIFA nations). If you wish to contact me with thoughts, comments and destructive criticism please do so at huffbert@gmail.com
I'm not feeling great today- yesterday i went out on the lash and my head feels rather woollen today, ugh. Guinness and Heineken. I hate alcohol (hindsightedly).
On with the blog, today's topic is How to Stay Free. If you'd followed yesterday's blog then by now you are well on your way to living out your 100 years life lease with all your faculties intact. Today, if you follow my advice, you will live out that lease with all your essential human freedoms intact.
The first thing you need to do is to decide where you would like to live out your life. Most presume they have to live their life wherever they happen to have been born, anchored by family, career and mortgage. This is the first preconception to shake off. We have a staggering amount of freedom to choose exactly where we want to live. Quit you job, bring your friends and family with you and rent out your house. It is very important to choose a country which guarantees your fundamental freedoms. Most countries in the West, for all their faults, do just that (which is why I love the West).
So what are those freedoms? Well there are 13 :
THE 13 FUNDAMENTAL FREEDOMS
1. The freedom of life. No-one has the right to take any other human life. So to ensure that this freedom stays intact try to live in a country which does not practise the death penalty.
2. The freedom to own property. This is part 4 in Huffbert's Design for Life so live in a nation where you can, if you wish, buy land.
3. The freedom to procreate with whoever you choose. Part 2 in my design for life. Don't live anywhere where someone is telling you that you can't do sex dances with any particular race etc... because your soulmate may come in any shape and you got to maximise your chances of capturing that elusive winged deity we call love.
4. The freedom of association (probably won't need this one)
5. The freedom of speech. In practise this is pretty hard to guarantee, we don't want the freedom to hate, but as long as you can safely criticise authority then "thumbs up".
6. Freedom of thought and religion. Live somewhere where you can practise any religion you choose (but as long as its a place where religion is kept the "hell out of" politics and education).
7. You should have the vote.
8. A free market. In case you want to start a business at some point.
9. Freedom of work. You choose the job, don't let it choose you.
10. Freedom of rest and leisure. When you want it.
11. Equal access. To education and jobs and opportunity. Very important. This is the main way that you are going to better your position in life. Don't live in country which keeps all the good stuff for the local elite.
In sum, you want to live in a meritocratic liberal democracy.
This report is a pretty good indicator:
http://www.freedomhouse.org/template.cfm?page=15&year=2006
"Woah! But hey Huffbert you said there were 13 freedoms- that's only 11!"
Yes i know i've left the most important 2 until last:
12. Equality before the law. It is so important that you live somewhere where if you do get into shit you are guaranteed a fair trial (not one based on your bank balance, connections or nationality.) I have lived in three countries in my life- and one of those had no equality before the law. If you were a foreigner in court forget it- you're going down. if you were a foreigner and up against a local - forget it but more so. If you were a foreigner and up a against a rich, connected local then oh mein shitting gott! Forget it. Yes justice is an important consideration when selecting where to live your life.
13. Freedom of movement. This is the freedom you are most likely to lose during your life. In most coutnries if you break the law you stand to lose your freedom of movement- we call them prisons.
Very simply, don't break the law.
If you have a selected a country to live in which has a reasonable set of laws then you shouldn't want to break the law anyway. If you don't break the law you won't lose this important freedom.
If you are stuck in a country with unjust laws, then for the time being it is better to be free and not true to your ethics, than right and in prison. Bite your tongue until you get to an enlightened country then you can join Amnesty International or something and make a difference. There's no room for martyrs in Huffbert's Design.
As a working person we don't really have the freedom of movement anyway. If you are compelled to be in a office 9 hours a day 5 days a week then no, you don't have freedom of movement. That will be solved in part 4 Becoming financially independent. You may still want to work, but you won't need to.
Ok well that's it for now. As always lets compress and distill this content into a homeopathic self-help essence drop goal:
GOAL 1A2 Live your life in a land where your basic freedoms are guaranteed. Don't break the law. Thus you will stay free for your 100 lease of life.
Well that's all folks, join me again next time when the topic will be Staying Healthy.. ooh my hangover seems to have dispersed!
tata
Huffbert xxx
ps As always I'm sorry if I have offended anybody. And also sorry if I have made any mistakes in grammar or spelling. As mentioned this blog is open to everybody (all ages and sexual persuasions, both sexes and all three races, all members of the 192 UN nations, all members of the 205 FIFA nations). If you wish to contact me with thoughts, comments and destructive criticism please do so at huffbert@gmail.com
Thursday, 30 April 2009
1a(1) Staying Fully Formed
Well, welcome back. This is the second post of my blog- and I don't think anybody read the last one, but if you did - thanks! I think the first person to follow my blog will be awarded the Huffbert Medal of Distinction... more on that later (there won't be any more on that.)
Sometimes i'll refer to myself in the 3rd person (Huffbert likes to do that) kind of like Caesar in his Gallic Campaign letters. You know the ones i mean.... anyway if this bothers you... sorry. (Huffbert is sorry).
Also normally I probably won't write my blog on a daily basis- today's the exception because I have a bit of time off work. But normally I guess it will be twice weekly, or failing that thrice fortnightly (failing that five times a month at least).
Before I start let me just explain the numerical/alphabetical system which fronts every blog topic to come. They all go back to my grand design as laid out in my first blog topic "foremost introduction". So this is Part 1 The Primary Pleasures Section A Looking After Your Animal Self Subsection 1 Staying Fully Formed (hence 1A(1) ) OK... got that? You will be...... (?)
On with the blog....
Staying Fully Formed
So to really enjoy life, your basic concern, most fundamental urge in fact, should be to stay fully formed. In particular, concentrate on retaining the use of your eyes, ears and system of locomotion and mobility. If you were born without any of these, then you're probably used to it by now, but if you lose one at some point in your life, you'll find it a real downer- so don't.
Throughout the duration of the course we will have a vision of life in mind- the vision will cover a lifespan of 100 years. We're planning to live 100 years. You have signed a lease of life, and God has given you a 100 years on that lease. They're yours to enjoy. Anymore is greedy. Any less is because you haven't been following my advice; and God may want his deposit back.
So I want you to die.... ha ha not now but at age 100, fully formed, peacefully and in your sleep. With functioning eyes, ears, legs, arms, nice skin and teeth- with all (count them) all your marbles. If you must lose one faculty, then let it be your sense of smell- which is kind of overrated (in fact sometimes not having this sense could even be a blessing).
So how can you ensure you retain all these essential bodily parts? Read on, to find out.
Ok, well most loss of human form is from 3 main sources.
1. Transport related trauma.
Don't take unnecessary risks - probably avoid 2 wheeled motorized transport. Air travel is pretty safe- go that way. Take a xanax if you feel stressed in a plane. When you drive, drive safely- don't drink booze before/during, leave a massive gap between you and the car in front, drive a bit slower than the speed limit, stay in your lane, and check your mirrors when changing lane. Stay in the middle lane- the fast lane is full of idiots wanting to go fast and getting up your arse, and the slow lane has the danger of people entering from slip roads. If possible don't drive at night. That is when the twats come out. Oh yeah and if you're a pedestrian, use the designated cross sites- please!
2. Weapon related trauma.
Don't join the Army. Whatever you do. Unless you feel strongly about a cause- in which case go for it. You're much braver than I am. But be aware that you might not stay fully formed. I did a year in the Officer Training Corps as a student and one of our instructors had a face like Freddy Kruger who had been sat too close to a 2-bar gas fire. Not a pretty site- this inspired me to not join the army and not fight for my country (which I love and would do anything for- but not that). I would love to start a world-wide revolution where everybody said- hey woah wait a minute i'm not joining the army, i might get hurt! And then within a year all the major armies of the world would be facing recruitment crisis and before long they would have to demobilise because they are no longer feasible! Wow we've eliminated war! (apart from in countries without the internet- i guess we'd be a bit vulnerable to attack from those countries.)
Also you might want to avoid countries like America were they're into guns and stuff.
3. Miscellaneous accidents.
Be careful, there are accidents lurking everywhere. Take care out there- that's all I'm asking.
Well that's about it- I hope you have learned something. So each blog I will round off with a goal to incorporate into your 100 years of life, a pithy distillation of all the wisdom contained in this blog topic.
GOAL 1A1 Aim to keep the form you were granted at birth for the duration of your 100 year lease by avoiding accidents using your common sense.
Also don't forget to look after your teeth. Brush with a good toothpaste thrice daily and go for as check up to a dentist you can trust and who's not going to invent cavities twice yearly.
That's all for now folks! Join me next time when the topic will be (continuing with taking care of your animal self) How to stay Free.
That's me signing off,
lots of love
Huffbert xxxx
ps As always I'm sorry if I have offended anybody. And also sorry if I have made any mistakes in grammar or spelling. As mentioned this blog is open to everybody (all ages and sexual persuasions, both sexes and all three races). If you wish to contact me with thoughts, comments and destructive criticism please do so at huffbert@gmail.com
Sometimes i'll refer to myself in the 3rd person (Huffbert likes to do that) kind of like Caesar in his Gallic Campaign letters. You know the ones i mean.... anyway if this bothers you... sorry. (Huffbert is sorry).
Also normally I probably won't write my blog on a daily basis- today's the exception because I have a bit of time off work. But normally I guess it will be twice weekly, or failing that thrice fortnightly (failing that five times a month at least).
Before I start let me just explain the numerical/alphabetical system which fronts every blog topic to come. They all go back to my grand design as laid out in my first blog topic "foremost introduction". So this is Part 1 The Primary Pleasures Section A Looking After Your Animal Self Subsection 1 Staying Fully Formed (hence 1A(1) ) OK... got that? You will be...... (?)
On with the blog....
Staying Fully Formed
So to really enjoy life, your basic concern, most fundamental urge in fact, should be to stay fully formed. In particular, concentrate on retaining the use of your eyes, ears and system of locomotion and mobility. If you were born without any of these, then you're probably used to it by now, but if you lose one at some point in your life, you'll find it a real downer- so don't.
Throughout the duration of the course we will have a vision of life in mind- the vision will cover a lifespan of 100 years. We're planning to live 100 years. You have signed a lease of life, and God has given you a 100 years on that lease. They're yours to enjoy. Anymore is greedy. Any less is because you haven't been following my advice; and God may want his deposit back.
So I want you to die.... ha ha not now but at age 100, fully formed, peacefully and in your sleep. With functioning eyes, ears, legs, arms, nice skin and teeth- with all (count them) all your marbles. If you must lose one faculty, then let it be your sense of smell- which is kind of overrated (in fact sometimes not having this sense could even be a blessing).
So how can you ensure you retain all these essential bodily parts? Read on, to find out.
Ok, well most loss of human form is from 3 main sources.
1. Transport related trauma.
Don't take unnecessary risks - probably avoid 2 wheeled motorized transport. Air travel is pretty safe- go that way. Take a xanax if you feel stressed in a plane. When you drive, drive safely- don't drink booze before/during, leave a massive gap between you and the car in front, drive a bit slower than the speed limit, stay in your lane, and check your mirrors when changing lane. Stay in the middle lane- the fast lane is full of idiots wanting to go fast and getting up your arse, and the slow lane has the danger of people entering from slip roads. If possible don't drive at night. That is when the twats come out. Oh yeah and if you're a pedestrian, use the designated cross sites- please!
2. Weapon related trauma.
Don't join the Army. Whatever you do. Unless you feel strongly about a cause- in which case go for it. You're much braver than I am. But be aware that you might not stay fully formed. I did a year in the Officer Training Corps as a student and one of our instructors had a face like Freddy Kruger who had been sat too close to a 2-bar gas fire. Not a pretty site- this inspired me to not join the army and not fight for my country (which I love and would do anything for- but not that). I would love to start a world-wide revolution where everybody said- hey woah wait a minute i'm not joining the army, i might get hurt! And then within a year all the major armies of the world would be facing recruitment crisis and before long they would have to demobilise because they are no longer feasible! Wow we've eliminated war! (apart from in countries without the internet- i guess we'd be a bit vulnerable to attack from those countries.)
Also you might want to avoid countries like America were they're into guns and stuff.
3. Miscellaneous accidents.
Be careful, there are accidents lurking everywhere. Take care out there- that's all I'm asking.
Well that's about it- I hope you have learned something. So each blog I will round off with a goal to incorporate into your 100 years of life, a pithy distillation of all the wisdom contained in this blog topic.
GOAL 1A1 Aim to keep the form you were granted at birth for the duration of your 100 year lease by avoiding accidents using your common sense.
Also don't forget to look after your teeth. Brush with a good toothpaste thrice daily and go for as check up to a dentist you can trust and who's not going to invent cavities twice yearly.
That's all for now folks! Join me next time when the topic will be (continuing with taking care of your animal self) How to stay Free.
That's me signing off,
lots of love
Huffbert xxxx
ps As always I'm sorry if I have offended anybody. And also sorry if I have made any mistakes in grammar or spelling. As mentioned this blog is open to everybody (all ages and sexual persuasions, both sexes and all three races). If you wish to contact me with thoughts, comments and destructive criticism please do so at huffbert@gmail.com
Foremost Introduction
a-hmmm.
Good evening/afternoon/morning/night (delete as applicable to your timezone).
My name is Huffbert McClean, you can call me Huffers.. if you prefer.
I've set myself the task of laying out for you, via the process of this blog, my unique (fairly unique, I guess a lot of you probably do a lot of the stuff I advocate already) system of living- yes, Huffbert Mc's Grand Design for Life!
All of us in the developed world, (and I guess the developing and third worlds- although for the large part they're stuck with their lot) desire to improve upon their life. Thanks to the wonderful meritocratic nature of the society we live in (I am presuming you live in the West- if not best of luck getting here, try marrying old rich desperate men, it really is all that) we can do just that...
.... given the right advice, that is! Seriously that is where I come in. I don't know all the answers, but I will for the duration of this blog, pretend I do. At last just by follwing the advice I will give to you (lucky, lucky people that you are) over the next - erm however long, you CAN live the life you deserve.
Oh god that sounds like self-help bullshit. Right, first of all, this is not SELF-HELP (well it is obviously). Yes, its self-help- but its self-help for the intelligent, educated and well-balanced people who wouldn't normally swallow the vapid easy-answers peddled by the majority of self appointed self-help gurus (I guess Huffbert is one of those, but.. he's a bit different- he's open to criticism and he doesn't peddle easy answers- he doesn't peddle anything this is all for free- but if he did he would peddle hard answers, and unpleasant "home truths" (ooh a cliche- I will try to avoid those too.
Anyway, there will be no bullshit on this site- of the likes of you gotta actualize to realize, self-personify the succesful other-self.. in YOU! None of that here. There will be no -ize words at all (as a Brit I prefer -ise anyway). All advice offered will be concrete and meaningful (full of meaning) I promise no vague appeals to the inner power in you. This is very much self-help for the morbidly cynical. It will be concrete, firm advice, the likes of which my father taught me and would have taught you (had he been your father). In short read this, follow it and you will be able to get on and live a bloody good life- instead of crying because nobody loves you because you're fat and minging. You're not- you gotta believe in yourself- free the real you [STOP]
Here is an overview of the posts to come (in order of priority- the most important to one's life coming first):
PART 1 - The primary pleasures
1. Looking after your animal self - How to stay fully formed, free, healthy and fit.
2. Get yourself a soulmate - you'll need to be well dressed, well groomed, confidant, charming, funny, nice and positive. You'll need to maximise (a bit buzz-wordy sorry) your opportunities to meet her/him. And how do you know if he/she is your soulmate? Find out in time.
3. Get yourself a profession (not a job). You haven't got a clue have you- but you will (if you read the blog.)
4. Attain financial independence (hey I didn't say get rich.. you'll see...)
5. Own your own home. (But don't let it own YOU ((no, no I take that back that is bullshitese and I promised none of that)
and finally
6. Find meaning in life - whether through a family, artistic, political or business venture- we must all strive to find meaning in life, otherwise its all a big shit baguette.
PART 2 - Working towards the primary pleasures (I can't bring myself to use the word goal) by obtaining happiness on a day-to-day basis.
By this stage the posts are probably getting shorter because i'm running out of enthusiasm- like most modern people I don't finish what i start, but bear (bare?) with me they'll pick up again.
There will probably also be some stuff about not harming others or the world while you pursue your own selfish agenda.
PART 3 The secondary pleasures
Not as important as the primary but worth a mention:
Travel
Formal study (as opposed to self study which is ongoing, right?)
Sexual conquest (if you pay it doesn't count)
Sport (only play if your good otherwise its not fun at all)
Passive enjoyments (TV, movies, music, books, PS3)
Thrill-seeking (bungee jumping etc stuff twats do)
Illicit thrills of doing something dangerous or illegal.
and finally...
Friendship.... the only thing you'll remember once your dead.
and then they'll probably be a conclusion or something.
I am also following this course, taking my own medicine, and i'll let you know how its going. Working well so far....
Also this is for all ages, both sexes and all three races.
Well that's about it from me "Huffbert". I sincerely hope you join me next time when the topic of my blog will be:
TAKING CARE OF YOUR ANIMAL SELF- part 1 Staying fully formed.
Thats all for now,
all my love
Huffbert x x x
ps I'm sorry if I have offended anybody. And also sorry if I have made any mistakes in grammar or spelling. If you wish to contact me with thoughts, comments and destructive criticism please do so huffbert@gmail.com
Good evening/afternoon/morning/night (delete as applicable to your timezone).
My name is Huffbert McClean, you can call me Huffers.. if you prefer.
I've set myself the task of laying out for you, via the process of this blog, my unique (fairly unique, I guess a lot of you probably do a lot of the stuff I advocate already) system of living- yes, Huffbert Mc's Grand Design for Life!
All of us in the developed world, (and I guess the developing and third worlds- although for the large part they're stuck with their lot) desire to improve upon their life. Thanks to the wonderful meritocratic nature of the society we live in (I am presuming you live in the West- if not best of luck getting here, try marrying old rich desperate men, it really is all that) we can do just that...
.... given the right advice, that is! Seriously that is where I come in. I don't know all the answers, but I will for the duration of this blog, pretend I do. At last just by follwing the advice I will give to you (lucky, lucky people that you are) over the next - erm however long, you CAN live the life you deserve.
Oh god that sounds like self-help bullshit. Right, first of all, this is not SELF-HELP (well it is obviously). Yes, its self-help- but its self-help for the intelligent, educated and well-balanced people who wouldn't normally swallow the vapid easy-answers peddled by the majority of self appointed self-help gurus (I guess Huffbert is one of those, but.. he's a bit different- he's open to criticism and he doesn't peddle easy answers- he doesn't peddle anything this is all for free- but if he did he would peddle hard answers, and unpleasant "home truths" (ooh a cliche- I will try to avoid those too.
Anyway, there will be no bullshit on this site- of the likes of you gotta actualize to realize, self-personify the succesful other-self.. in YOU! None of that here. There will be no -ize words at all (as a Brit I prefer -ise anyway). All advice offered will be concrete and meaningful (full of meaning) I promise no vague appeals to the inner power in you. This is very much self-help for the morbidly cynical. It will be concrete, firm advice, the likes of which my father taught me and would have taught you (had he been your father). In short read this, follow it and you will be able to get on and live a bloody good life- instead of crying because nobody loves you because you're fat and minging. You're not- you gotta believe in yourself- free the real you [STOP]
Here is an overview of the posts to come (in order of priority- the most important to one's life coming first):
PART 1 - The primary pleasures
1. Looking after your animal self - How to stay fully formed, free, healthy and fit.
2. Get yourself a soulmate - you'll need to be well dressed, well groomed, confidant, charming, funny, nice and positive. You'll need to maximise (a bit buzz-wordy sorry) your opportunities to meet her/him. And how do you know if he/she is your soulmate? Find out in time.
3. Get yourself a profession (not a job). You haven't got a clue have you- but you will (if you read the blog.)
4. Attain financial independence (hey I didn't say get rich.. you'll see...)
5. Own your own home. (But don't let it own YOU ((no, no I take that back that is bullshitese and I promised none of that)
and finally
6. Find meaning in life - whether through a family, artistic, political or business venture- we must all strive to find meaning in life, otherwise its all a big shit baguette.
PART 2 - Working towards the primary pleasures (I can't bring myself to use the word goal) by obtaining happiness on a day-to-day basis.
By this stage the posts are probably getting shorter because i'm running out of enthusiasm- like most modern people I don't finish what i start, but bear (bare?) with me they'll pick up again.
There will probably also be some stuff about not harming others or the world while you pursue your own selfish agenda.
PART 3 The secondary pleasures
Not as important as the primary but worth a mention:
Travel
Formal study (as opposed to self study which is ongoing, right?)
Sexual conquest (if you pay it doesn't count)
Sport (only play if your good otherwise its not fun at all)
Passive enjoyments (TV, movies, music, books, PS3)
Thrill-seeking (bungee jumping etc stuff twats do)
Illicit thrills of doing something dangerous or illegal.
and finally...
Friendship.... the only thing you'll remember once your dead.
and then they'll probably be a conclusion or something.
I am also following this course, taking my own medicine, and i'll let you know how its going. Working well so far....
Also this is for all ages, both sexes and all three races.
Well that's about it from me "Huffbert". I sincerely hope you join me next time when the topic of my blog will be:
TAKING CARE OF YOUR ANIMAL SELF- part 1 Staying fully formed.
Thats all for now,
all my love
Huffbert x x x
ps I'm sorry if I have offended anybody. And also sorry if I have made any mistakes in grammar or spelling. If you wish to contact me with thoughts, comments and destructive criticism please do so huffbert@gmail.com
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